*[Sc]Rolls Eyes

Dear Bottom Scrollbar,

You load before the most offensive pages on the Internet. I see your kindred, the Side Scrollbar, and think nothing of it, perhaps watch the knob shrink and wonder how long the page is, but almost nothing else is triggered in my mind upon viewing it.

You, however, when I see you appear at the bottom of Safari, my Internet browsing application, I must resist the urge to smash my hands into the computer and rip you out of its heart once and for all. Thankfully, I am not insane, and I can easily stop myself from doing this. However, this does not change the fact that you invoke this urge in me, Bottom Scrollbar.

Allow me to explain. Most Internet browsing applications are set to a size standard of web pages, including, but not limited to, colours, fonts, animation, sound, video and size. Bear that last one in mind, Bottom Scrollbar. Size. For some reason, you seem to think that your existence nullifies the need to be constricted to a pre-determined size when making an Internet website. This leads us to such awkward situations as social networking sites which take literally hours to load because the predominantly emo users have packed their page so fully with comics depicting how dead-on-the-inside they feel that they are now the size of an A0 page. Do you know how big A0 is, Bottom Scrollbar? Do you? Of course you don’t, because you don’t believe in size.

My examples of your infuriating presence are not by any means limited to My Space. I would like to draw your attention to website articles, which, likely due to an html coding error on behalf of the creator, now employ you as a facilitator for reading said article. Do you have any idea how irritating it is to not only have to scroll down, but side to side with every line as well? Very irritating, very.

In between scratching my own eyes out in frustration upon seeing you disgrace my field of vision, I realised that if you had never been created, if someone had never thought ‘we need some way around these Internet standards so we can offensively overload the screens of innocent emos everywhere’, then maybe, MAYBE, I wouldn’t have to smash my own computer with this gauntlet aimed at you.

So thank you, Bottom Scrollbar, and you owe me one.

Adrik