Go Hang Yourself

Dear Hangover,

You claim to represent the dehydrating effect of ethanol and the symptoms stemming there from, but I know that you are actually in league with the Devil. Why (oh why) do you punish fun loving people for having a good time?  The only thing more unlikable than you is your namesake film which was a crime against comedy in the cinema if ever there was one.

You can always tell when you have had your way with a victim. They might be found dry mouthed, hugging a toilet, sweating, not in control of their motor functions and probably a bit emo. (And yes it is your fault emo kid). The weakest of your victims will look kinda hipster like this. Dreadful, isn’t it?

But you are not all powerful, Hangover. You do not have the same might following the consumption of the delicious clear liquors which, having so many other uses, makes them an easy choice for giving you the finger. In addition to this it has been suggested that 25-30% of people are resistant to you just cos they are. Teetotalism and the legal drinking age are your enemies. That makes two of us. But that’s where the love ends, Hangover.

You foolishly failed to realise at your inception that certain methods of repelling your wickedness hold a lot of appeal to the drunkard or potential drunkard. Obviously not drinking is just another form of abstinence we all point and laugh at, but take eating for example. It is recommended that this is done before and after consuming alcohol. And we’re not talking salad. We’re talking greasy pre-drink “snack” and a greasy post-drinking 3am doner kebab. Delicious AND nutritious. Drunkard 1, Hangover 0.

There are some tempting remedies out there, or gauntlets as we like to call them, to diminish your evil powers. I am referring to Vegemite on toast (greatest food known to man?), chocolate milk and cold pizza. But I think today, despite the tremors you have bestowed upon me, I will drag myself up off the bathroom floor, uncurl out of the foetal position and I will push through the photosensitivity to hurl a sauerkrautish gauntlet your way.

Kyrani