C[ry myself to sleep]ymothoa exigua

Dear Cymothoa exigua,

While you have been floating around in the oceans for probably millions of years, I have only recently discovered you in the year-old depths of the internet. After viewing your nightmarish appearance at length and finding one particularly disturbing image of you in quite an enlarged state I began reading of your horrifying life-cycle. Apparently you decided that being a giant version of one of the most repulsive creatures on the planet wasn’t enough, you decided you would also drink blood. From the artery at the base of a fish’s tongue. Naturally, this renders the tongue without a supply of life and it withers away to nothing. After this, so I read, you decide you quite enjoy your new home and set up shop, replacing the conveniently missing tongue with YOURSELF. I cannot express how revolted this makes me feel. Quite apart from bringing up images that are actually the stuff of nightmares, you sit yourself in the fish’s mouth as if you are not only meant to be there, but that you want us to think you are cute, jauntily poking out of that poor fish’s mouth. Well I have news for you, cymothoa exigua, you are not cute. You are not OK. And you are not meant to be in existence on this planet.

I’d throw a gauntlet at you in person, but you terrify me and I imagine if I were confronted with one of you, I would likely faint, cry, vomit, attempt to cut out my own eyes or (more likely) all of the above. Please become extinct and allow far cuter relatives to live on.

Adrik