January 2011
4 posts
6 tags
Gay Basher
Dear Homophobe,
I recently had the pleasure of an encounter with you while waiting at a bus stop. You drove past with the window down and yelled ‘poofter’, then made an obscene finger gesture at me. Now, before I go on, allow me to describe you based on the three cowardly seconds you spent in my vague presence.
You have a face permanently contorted in a hideous expression of rage...
5 tags
Your You're Own Worst Enemy
Dear Grammatically Challenged Ones,
While those close to me know I have many gripes about the mistreatment of our fine language, I will try to stick to just this one because I know you will struggle to keep up if I say too many things all at once. I will ignore for now the fact that you have not yet worked out when to use there, their or they’re, or then and than, or affected or effected...
6 tags
It Was All A Dream
Dear Dreamer,
I do not want to hear about your dreams.
As far as I can ascertain, there are two main types of dream that, for some reason I cannot fathom, are deemed worthy of being spoken of after the fact. The most common of these is the everyday dream. Basically your brain spitting random recent memories into a cup and swirling it around while you sleep. These are seen as fascinating by...
8 tags
Gold Hoax
Dear Gold Coast,
Over the years, there has been an abundance of misnomers associated with you. Sunshine Coast, ‘party-central’, Surfers Paradise… The list, while not endless, is far too long for my liking, and more to the point, completely incorrect.
I will grant you that your particular geographical location does provide you slightly more sun and warmth than say, the Arctic,...